How Can I Help? Just Show Up

When our friends or loved ones are going through a difficult time, we want to help. It's hard to know how. Fear of saying or doing the wrong thing can sometimes lead to paralysis. “Help us help them” seems to be a need. If you say, "let me know if you need anything", they probably won't. It's hard enough to accept help. To actively seek it out not knowing if the other person is even in a position to help is altogether different.

God has granted each of us a unique set of skills, abilities and characteristics. We can’t do everything, but we can often do something. If you want to help a friend who is going through a difficult season, ask God if there is a need only you can fill. See if there is something obvious you can help with that needs doing and offer it. This list represents the ways friends came alongside my family during my husband’s extended illness and after his passing. I hope it will give you some ideas as you seek to meet someone in your circle in their place of need.

These are just some of the many ways you might be able to bless a friend going through things like prolonged illness, death, divorce, deployment, depression and more.

1. Prayer - Pray for them sincerely. Let them know.

2. Texts or cards - I'm praying for you. Here's a Bible verse. Here's something to make you laugh. You are not forgotten. I care.

3. Friendship - Make sure your friends know they are not a burden.

4. Company - Call or visit. Can you spend time with the patient to give their caregiver a bit of respite?

5. Music - Send the link to a worship song or something else to let them know you’re thinking of them.

6. Invite - Continue to include them. A night out, a cup of coffee… your grieving friend could use your company.

7. Remember - Acknowledge important days such as birthdays, anniversaries of wedding and date of death, etc.

8. Memories - Say their name. Share photos and memories of the person who died. Their loved ones will treasure these. Listen to their stories.

9.  Shopping - “Need anything from the store?”

10. Kids - Can you feed their kids and care for their hearts? Babysit? Take them on outings and activities?

11. Food - Take them a meal, have food delivered, or send a gift card for a delivery service like DoorDash or UberEats.

12. Housecleaning - You might want to offer to clean their house or pay for a cleaning service.

13. Transportation - For the adult or children to and from school, church or other activities. For medical tests and appointments. If you can't commit on a regular basis but might be available in a pinch, please offer.

14. Yard work - This is often neglected during extended illness or grief.

15. Home repairs - Can you help with simple jobs? Are you able to recommend a fair, reliable worker? Can you offer advice to help your friend protect themselves from a bad deal?

16. Legal - Can you help with filing taxes or translating legal documents?

17. Cars - If you are knowledgeable, you can help your friend feel comfortable they are not being taken advantage of. You can help negotiate a fair price for a safe, reliable car.

18. Finances - Can you make a financial contribution? Can you offer help setting up a budget?

19. Pet care - Can you drop in and care for your neighbor’s pet if they are in the hospital, the day of the funeral, or in case of emergency?

20. Emergency Contact - Are you willing to be the emergency contact for your widowed friend?

God bless you as you look for ways to come alongside those who are struggling. Thank you for caring.